October Octane

October has come and gone. This is the anniversary month of the surgery that left me blind. I sort of tiptoe through the month because I can get in touch with some powerful anger if I am not careful. I fight off that temptation and label it as unproductive and destructive. Most of the day I can manage to do that, but sometimes during the day I must fight off a guerilla attack. The feelings are never very far away and I need to keep track of them so that I can anticipate what time of day they may choose to attack; late afternoon is always the worst time of day for me and I am glad that I have scheduled activities that do not allow me to just sit around and do negative thinking.

It has been two years since that awful day, for me and Anita. In a way the two years have been a paradox; the two years have moved by quickly in one way and have dragged by in a slow crawl in another. But I can say that we have made those two years and have not given into insanity, yet. Here’s to keeping insanity and bitterness at bay.
Sometimes, in our attempts to keep the future from overwhelming us we forget to be grateful for what we have in the present and in the past. That is why I have come to anticipate and respect All Hallows’ Eve and All Saints’ Day.

There are the saints of the church, the saints that we have met in our daily living, and then there are the New Orleans Saints. I really enjoy remembering those saints that have helped me live life and are helping me live life. This current situation is one in which numerous saints have shown up to help us through these two years. There is such a being that steps up at the lowest depth of despair and helps someone like me find the faith, courage and energy to get up and get back into living.

To all of you saints that help us, we give you a big Thank You. Halloween also gives me an excuse to establish a Snickers stash. Our subdivision is low on young children now and high on gray panthers. We had only one child come by on Halloween, so we have a little extra candy. We don’t buy much and yet the small amount we had didn’t get claimed by any ghosts and witches, etc. Somehow we will struggle through it.

The Saints of New Orleans are teasing the state again by playing some successful football. However there is much room for failure to show up and even turn chocolate into a bitter taste. The theology of the Saints winning big would put great pressure on God choosing to end time. After all, the saying down here is that the Saints won’t win the big bowl until hell freezes over; certainly that will be an appropriate time for the world to stop spinning. I don’t know that this heavy theological pressure may be too much for the Saints.

As these two years have gone by I have noticed that I am losing the ability to bring faces to mind. I am losing faces and I find that most disturbing. I can easily recognize voices but the faces are beginning to fade. Yet there is no daily visual reinforcement that is happening so I imagine that having those mental pictures slowly fade is part of this lousy process. That really touches an anger button for me since so much of what I love to see has been taken away by two irresponsible and indifferent people who attempt to pass themselves and their work off as professional. So, there. Yet they are still the ones that are lovingly present in my life even though I cannot see them. And that is one anchor that I will keep a firm grip on.

The national scene still is blundering along and I can hear statements made by our amazing leaders that ought to turn their faces so red that one could accuse them of surviving an explosion in a tomato soup factory. Sometimes they call one another eleven derogatory names. The surprise is that I didn’t know their vocabulary was that accomplished. If the current goings on in the government don’t encourage you to pray then I’m not sure anything will. This is one scary mess that they are laying out for you and me to live through.